Grateful

My heart is full as I ponder celebrating our 2 little girls tomorrow and their special adoption day! 

I'd love to tell you this has been the easiest year of our lives!  That would not be accurate!  It has been a year of experiencing the fullness of His grace, drinking in the Living Water!  Yup, that's way more accurate! So my heart is grateful as I sit and reflect on all that God has done and is doing among us!

It would be fair to say that I have stopped blogging because so much of my thoughts are what we experience day to day, and what we experience day to day, and the relational and spiritual growth of our family comes from the mess and "hard" of what was, and to share that would be to share some of my kids stories, and they are their stories...for them to share...but, I do have some things to share, coming off of Adoption Awareness month, knowing so many of you are in the "what if we adopted?" thought process...here's just a glimpse into what we've encountered in the last 3 months of yet another refining, exhausting, rich, full, amazingly beautiful year! 

I don't want to forget the details of what Caroline and I shared tonight, so, I will share a glimpse into her heart...she is so very tender...my pleaser and joy filled almost 6 year old!  Tonight I was reading to her, she began to cry, and had a "flash back" moment of her first familia in Colombia, her first casa...this is painful, obviously, she has lost her familia, her culture, thankfully not her first language, and even though it was "hard" there...she still grieves it...it's a loss...and I am so grateful that she is now safe and secure enough in our home to share her little heart with me!  She expresses herself sooo good!  So, after a minute of weeping, yes not just tears, she starts singing, and her face begins to glow "Here I am to Worship" and joy over took her, and she said, "Mommy, it's time! Time to ask Jesus into my heart...well, I know He's with me...I love Him so much!"  This is my bundle that wept over the cross the first time we read the story to her!  YES!  Give me "hard" Jesus!  If it draws my family closer to you, give us "hard!" Sometimes she still feels darkness, memories are too painful, but, praise God, she has entered in to the Kingdom of Light! My prayer is for her to "be strong and courageous, do not be terrified, for the Lord your God goes with you wherever you go!"  John and her continue to grow...it takes time with an older child who is so tender...and in John's testimony he has shared, "God knew I needed her more than she needed me!"  You see, when you encounter darkness, your own sin is revealed, and it's ugly and you want nothing more than to fall before the throne of Grace...and this little bundle has brought our family to our knees...and He is so gracious!  And I am so grateful...

Marta, let's see, in the last year I have encountered being hit several times through out the day, spit on, shoes thrown at me while I'm driving, yelling "owie!" like I'm hurting her when we are grocery shopping...yes, I know, a caseworker would be the first to say, "oh...yah, you are dealing with attachment issues!"  Really?!!!! I can't begin to tell you how much I love her, she has a huge part of my heart...it aches in knowing the causes of this...but, God is so good!  I have some amazing sisters in Christ who have prayed over her, I am giving her to God first thing in the morning praying scripture over her...and yes, God is dazzling me through my baby girl!  Her speech is delayed and she processes words slow...but, not prayers, not scripture...the power of speaking scripture is unbelievable...I encounter it every day, and she is now, in the middle of her rages, saying "Mama, pray, pray Mama...I need God!"  Yes, this is the longest sentence she speaks, and God hears...life is getting much easier now that prayer is such a big part of my little 3 1/2 year olds life!  Another victory...give me "hard" Jesus, give me "hard!"  Oh I am grateful...

Isabel and Silas are seem to be thriving!  But, best of all...the bond between siblings is getting stronger and stronger day by day!  I am so proud of Silas, his rages are over, he, too, is a tender hearted bundle of personality, and continues to love life and people!  Sometimes the conversations I have with him are way over my head...he's a deep thinker and articulates whatever is on his mind so well!  It warms my heart when I hear that he and Caroline "look out" and help each other out on the playground if there is ever an issue...they have come sooo far!  Isabel, although a little "peanut" is maturing, and acting more like a "tween" than a little girl...it's such a fun age!!!  So grateful....

I have found myself in a sincere place of contentment in the last year.  From our home (have I said before living downtown Zeeland is amazing?!  I could see us tackling another "fixer upper" but, Central Ave. is our home,) to feeling that our family is complete.  I get asked all the time...so, when are you adopting again...seriously, the first thing that goes through my mind is "do people know how crazy expensive it is?!"  And then I get this whisper in my head, "I've done it before, why wouldn't I take care of you again!") I said to John..."we are done!"  He is in full agreement...I don't know why I say these things, because it seems like everytime I do, God rocks our world...let's just say, Silas wants a little brother in the worst way, my heart will always be in 2 places (yes, Colombia has a piece of it and always will)...and this mama could give in real quick to that desire...but, John leads...and I trust him with my life...I did tell him I'm praying about it...he said I am supposed to discuss these things with him first, I said "yup, discussing it right now!" :)  On paper it seems impossible...but, we both know if God was calling us to that, He would move mountains to make it happen...

2 years ago...our world was rocked...in an amazingly beautiful "hard" kind of a way...today my arms are wide open...one day at a time...so so very grateful...

Remembering...

Love these little bundles...

Today, 2 years later...