Our Colombian Journey with Isabel...the Firstborn!

"Mom, aren't you going to blog about my story?"  Isabel said last night when I tucked her in.  I have been sitting on this.  She is our private internal processor, journaling her way through, not talking about it a whole lot.  I haven't wanted to expose anything that is so personal to her/us.  But she let it all out last night (love those late nights laying in bed getting into her "window" of conversation).  She wants to me to share so that others adoptees and adoptive families don't shy away from making contact with birth family if it's on their hearts.  She also wants others to see how big God's love is and how awesome are His ways and plans.   So, here I go...not sure why this is feeling difficult for me as I type.  There is something about walking through certain things in life with your first born...although, Silas' reunion with his birth family happened first...it all only came to be because of Isabel's story...and with that being said...there is just this raw emotion that comes with the first born (I know you mama's know what I am talking about: )...

Maybe some of that is from trying to let myself feel how "raw" I was the day we received her.  John and I had come off of over 5 years of infertiliity.  From tests to treatments, a miscarriage...you name it, we tried it, we experienced it...there was no real big reason we should never conceive, in fact, the Dr. always said if you get pregnant, I would not at all be surprised.  Well, we can all see now, why my womb has been closed (thank you Lord-John and I could have never birthed these amazing kids: )  But, at the time it felt like a death, a loss, a dream to let go of...and then...in one moment (literally) this 9 week little 5 lb. preemie was carefully placed in our arms and all that weight and heavy and sadness was gone...completely gone...

Isabel's life did that.  A complete miracle.  The miracle of life that healed so much of my heart just by her presence...I was now a mom, and she was my daughter.  God put my feet on a rock and gave me a new song to sing!  Our Colombian experience was incredible.  We had 6 weeks of getting to know the culture, sight seeing, meeting some incredible families, falling in love with our Colombian Rep.-Isabel Romero, our hotel staff - Juanita, Valeria, and Camila.  And so many more...We learned her story from the Adoption House, received a 6 page letter from her birth mom to her, and a letter to us from her birth mom.  We could feel the love Isabel received in the womb, and nothing but gratitude and love for this woman filled our hearts even before our feet ever landed back in the States...big grateful love for this woman!

On her first birthday, I cried all day long.  I could not believe God chose her out of all the little bundles in the world to be ours...and this woman, Jakeline, whose heart had so much love...I grieved her loss intensely that day.  While I was praying for her, God showed me that it was ok to feel this way for a woman I had never met, but saw everyday in my daughter's dark eyes...I knew on this day that if God entrusted me with such a gift, that I needed to trust Him, and be open to whatever opportunity may come her way...she was not mine.  She was His.  My whole perspective about being a mom changed that day.  

As time went by we watched this incredibly persistant, bright (a lover of books at 2, reading by early 4, best friends with the brainiest little muslim in her preschool class), toddler, than preschooler, "go after life with everything"kind of a kid.  On her 4th birthday, I tucked her in bed at night, and she wept.  Her bright little mind was trying to process adoption, and the grief that came from her tears over Jakeline was incredibly intense.  The next morning I had her draw a picture of what she imagined her to be like. (We still laugh at that special picture)...By 4, I knew God was guiding us to give her a piece of her culture.  We had built our dream house, living in an area that was incredibly dutch, and all I could think about was how am I going to get this girl into Spanish Immersion...that would fill a small piece in her heart...

God did that, and we sold our dream...and packed up and moved to Zeeland.  (After we tried to get into Ada Vista and Rockford being #51 and 26 on their immerison waiting list-those doors were slammed shut).  People thought we were crazy!  Moving to a town, leaving where our building business was taking off...we knew nobody.  All for this Christian school...and program...just to teach our kids Spanish?  Who does that?!  Well, I actually know quite a few people now who do...and we did...and best decision we've ever made (after God, marriage, and adopting: )...

Now we are living in Zeeland, Isabel is 7, fluent in Spanish because she spent 8 weeks in Colombia wtih her little sisters adoption and was in 2nd grade immersion.   After another inquiry from my dear daughter, triggered by 2 classmates that had open adoptions, God guided me to google her birth mom's name...I had to try...and so, I saw she was on Facebook and joined (after I made a vow to never go on social media-well best connector decision I ever made)...

One private message with a photo of Isabel...a very quick response filled with emotion and tears...a yearly note to eachother until Isabel was 10-we both took it very slow...and then when Isabel turned 11,  I told her we were coming to Bogota when Isabel turned 12, and told her Isabel wanted to meet her...the writings became more frequent, and I gave her Isabel's email, so, her messages could go directly to her.  She is so respectful of John and I, and loving, and sweet...it was such a natural next step for us...to meet her face to face...

You followed her journey from mission to birth family to friendships...Isabel thrived doing mission and being with/meeting new her Colombian friends.  I don't really know what word I would describe for her reunion. You saw the pictures... I guess I don't need to put words to it. Reunions are filled with incredible anticipation, joy, pain, love, sadness, awe...12 years of wonder, on both ends...it's such a BIG love that in Isabel's case, left her speechless.  She was so content just being in Jakeline's presence...she didn't need to talk a lot or feel like she needed to know a lot...it didn't matter...this reunion brought incredible love and joy...and healing.  Reconciliation took place, that probably either didn't even realize they needed...and the healing will continue to take place over years...and the relationship will continue to grow...

I'm her mom.  She's my firstborn.  We walk through all the firsts with our first born.  That's a great joy and privilege God gives us/them in their birth order...Isabel and I a natural mother/daughter bond.  She pressed into me the entire time...Jakeline blessed that.  She blessed John and I.  We left with immense gratitude in our hearts on all ends.  Is there pain?  Absolutely...when a child is placed for adoption, every story has some big hard in it...but, do we sit in that?!  Only for a moment...we acknowlege it, but, we are not stuck by it.  We move forward in and through it...and ALL better for it!  

So now what?!  I've been asked a lot, where do the littles fit in all of this?!  God's still writing their story, and what is good for one, may not be good for another...every story is different!  I have a sense that Silas' birth mom may play a role in all of our kid's life.  We write every couple days to Isabel and Silas' birth moms.  They are a part of our family.  It's been fun to see them attempt a little English, so, I really need to kick it in an learn some more Spanish...: /  The journey really is just a continuation of what was...except for, we will never be the same, and therefore our family will never be the same...a face to face encounter, an embrace, a conversation...it changes you, whether it's an orphan child, a homeless man, or a woman who is called "birth mom"... it wrecks you, and it fills you.  It's thrilling, it's hard to leave, it's love as God intended! 

We are called to walk by faith and not by sight...it's the beauty of saying yes to getting out of our comfort...it's the beauty to saying yes to those little nudges like "truly hold your kids loose" and "pursue Spanish Immersion even if you have to move your whole family"...some things don't have to make sense...quite honestly, following God's lead, it almost never does...feel free to ask our kids about it.  We are back to normal, and talking is good for them now that we made it through the first week of "re-entry" into normal!: )

Now back to work and ballet clasees, and soccer, and camps...and dreaming up what God has next...it truly is so much bigger than we could ever have imagined!

Our Colombian Journey with Silas...

I have been wanting to write about our journey with Silas and some of his birth family.  It's been so emotional for me, therefore, difficult to put my thoughts into words.  So, I'll give it a shot.  I share because my prayer is that if you have an adopted child who has this heart thing for their birth family, then I hope our story encourages you to move forward with your child...no matter how  overwhelming it may be...

During 2006, most families who put their name in for an infant from Colombia would receive their child by 3 months.  When we received Silas' referal he was already 8 1/2 months.  My initial reaction was one of feeling jipped.  All the families around us were receiving real little ones and why in there world did it take so long for Silas to be referred to us...so much time at the adoption house...

Then we traveled, and received this gift that was an instant ball of joy.  I couldn't wait to go to Pisingos and learn more about his story...after 3 weeks in to our journey, we listened and learned...his mama loved him.  Her decision to make an adoption plan was the most courageous and selfless act of love.  Although her story was terribly difficult to here, I connected with it...heartwrenching gut connect...the love of a woman who couldn't bring herself to sign him off, and kept visiting him in hopes that something could change in her life, but, by 8 months, she said her last good-bye and prayed to God he would have a good family, opportunity, a hope and a future...

That's where his Colombian story ends...but, not really...because, his heart, always has had a piece of Colombia in it.  He's always been curious, and as young as 2-3 he learned that my tummy was broken and that he grew in another mami's tummy...we used to giggle and he had some funny comments over that when he was little, but, as he grew, it was evident that his curious nature wanted to know more...  

When Isabel was 7, I joined Facebook.  Found her birth mom right away (I'll save her story for later)...so, since then, I'd periodiclaly check.  Realizing that given Silas' story, there is no way on this earth would we have a connection.  One night I prayed and asked God if it be His will to make it happen for Silas, almost laughing at that prayer.  Little did I know that in a land far far a way, this woman named Blanca was praying the same prayer.  

On Izzy's 10th birthday I prnted off the message her birth mom sent her.  After we giggled in bed, and cried happy tears over that message, I went back to my computer...mumbling in my mind, "C'mon God, Isabel has a piece, Caroline and Marta have eachother, but, Silas, he's got nothing but, this heart that needs it!"  Went back to my computer, typed her name in...and there she was...I wept...

On the other side, there is this little boy who encouraged his mom to join FB, she didn't really have any intentions of going on, but, Juan Diego wanted her to...and within 2 months of being on, she receives a note and a message from me with a picture of Silas...and like myself...wept...

Since then, we have been communicating, sharing photos, sharing thoughts...Silas having a few "chats" with both Blanca and Juan Diego.  We knew when he hit 10 it was time to turn this "fantasy" family into a reality.  

Reality it is.  Last Saturday the door knocked on our guest house.  John opened it, and their was this kid in complete disbelief on the other side with his mom...I have Isabel and Silas trailing behind me.  The initial moment was intense...we all were crying (accept Silas, he was taking it in-and determined not to show Blanca any emotion)...we shared hugs, and a meal, we gave gifts, and talked about life,..but, most of the night was spent watching the 2 boys together...oh my word...brothers together for the first time!! Thank you Jesus!

I was so impressed with Juan Deigo's respect and gentleness.  When Silas went to push Isabel, Juan Diego said, "Silas, you don't hit girls!: )"  I like this kid.  Silas looks at me and shrugs his shoulders because he knew Juan was right.  

Yesterday was our 2nd day together. More of the true colors come out....I loved that.  We hiked up a mountain.  Blanca was in front of me most of the time.  I couldn't help but think about all the mountains in life she has climbed, and yet her body oozed warmth, strength, and contentment in the moment... 

Today we were invited into her home.  She prepared and served us an incredible meal.  We shared thougths and learned more about Silas' bio family.  The best was going to the place that changed her life.  It changed her life, not just because she had a roof over her head, but, she grew in her faith and walk with God.  She was given opprortunity to raise her other son in a safe and nurturing environment...this place came to her only 2 months after Silas was born...

We now know reality.  We know the love of a mami.  We know what it's like to see our son with his big brother.  Blanca and I have the language road block.  Yesterday Juan Diego told me he wished he spoke English, and I said, I wish I spoke Spanish.  We have so much to say to each other, but, little to understand so, we look into each others eyes, and speak love with our eyes...speak family with our eyes...speak gratitude with our eyes....Silas doesn't have this barrier.  This is a gift.  It is beautiful to hear him communicate in his native language (which he didn't learn until he was 4 )...

This gift of famly is a gift.  God created family.  Why do we shy away from birth family?  Why do we shy away from our kids stories? Why do we think they can't handle it?  Some don't want to handle it.  Some don't want to walk through it. I need to clarify something.  Silas has a birth mom that loves him.  Not all kids who are relinquished for adoption can say that. There is abuse and neglect and lots of hard for so many kids... But the little one, who's birth mom made an adoption plan...truth is...they loved their child...I believe it with my heart...

So, we walk through this...tonight we checked into one of the nicest hotels we've stayed at (not intentionally- Expedia deal :)...I got to sit in a hot bath and just ponder...ponder why I was given this child from a woman who might have a warm shower once a week. From a woman who has to hand wash all her clothes when I can quick throw them in a wash machine, a woman who has no dish washer, and a home that is smaller than our hotel room...a boy who has very little to do at his house, not many friends at school because he was at the Safe house most of his life...and if I am pondering these things, what is our 10 year old son thinking...

A lot to take in my friends.  If you see Silas act all "machito" give him some grace.  He likes to put his wall up.  But, he realizes how good he has life.  Being around orphans put an urgency in his heart to adopt again.  Giving blessing bags to the poor was so easy for him. Our team leaders gave each one of us a word for the week that described us...his was courage!  He could seek them out and find them.  I have a picture of him walking over to a tree waking up a homeless man to give him his bag...walking through pee and the stink of it...he's the kid who engages with the youth pastor who even the local recycling kids don't think is very cool...he loves the underdog...before we left he looks at his birth mom with a little smile and his eyes twinkling as if saying, "thank you for giving me this life!"  Silas is one brave boy.  Blanca is one loving courageous woman.  Juan Diego is one great big brother.  Our family is a little bigger in size and heart now...and we wouldn't have it any other way!  

Thank you God for orchestrating something we never could have dreamed up.  Even the hard...we see your love and greatness in all of it! Guide these new relationships...continue to heal the broken hearts...for Your glory and Your fame!

   

The Value of Living in Community

Taking a family of 4 to a foreign land for 2 weeks is kind of a big deal. It's more than just the cost, which, that alone is big, considering 8 days of mission and 4 flights will come at a minimum of $6,500.  Our team working with Project Hope desires to help in bigger ways...like coming up with items for blessing bags, to arts and crafts for the VBS, to helping them with items for their new hotel for missionaries and adoptive families to stay, to helping adoptive famlies pay for their adoptions...and even more important than all of that is ADVOCATING for these kids...making people AWARE...bringing the HOPE of the GOSPEL to those who do not know...

Taking a family whose kiddos were born in this land also has many heart issues to deal with...our kids are going to see some very hard, and parts of some of  their roots are going to be revealed in an eye opening way, so, we need to be prepared to walk them through this...we don't take this lightly...we covet your prayers!

This past weekend, along with the last few months, it's like God is saying, "I've got this."  And HE so does...

Before our yard sale, our kids sent out letters to very specific people that they new would want to partner with them through donations and prayer, it's a humbling process to see how family and friends jumped on that...we are grateful!

We, along with our friends traveling still needed to do more for this trip.  We went back and forth, do we do a fundraising dinner (I don't like those-but was willing: ) or a Yard Sale.  The door kept closing/never felt right for the dinner, so we put it out there and the items of donations kept rolling in...so much that friends donated $1,450 worth of items!  Praise the Lord!

Here's a little glimpse into what we experienced through our yard sale...  

  

I have known my friend Becky to be a servant, but, WOW, did God show me more about this gem and fellow adoptive mom that I get to spend 8 days with in Bogota! She SHINES for the kingdom of God, she is a worker, persistant, she is humble, she is gracious...she is passionate about adoption and sharing the good news of Christ not just with words, but, with actions! Her heart is so pure and full of Christ.  God has blessed us with INCREDIBLE families to serve with on this trip!!!   

And her son, Dante, a positive, happy, super contentable, willing kid!  He has leadership skills, and a contagious personality!  Our kids will really benefit from serving alongside him! 

Did I say that so many people donated from this community!?!  Oh my word...below, Silas' friend Skylar gave a bunch of water bottles and gatorades with his own money to help the kids of Project Hope!  Teachers, neighbors, friends, classmates were coming out and filled their lemonade    container with $210 in 3 days!

Love our kid's friends!

And it wasn't always in the giving and the donating of stuff...this little picture of Marta and her friend is such a picture of the gift of time.  Taking Marta out of this chaotic sale day was so helpful to myself and Marta, on a holiday weekend!  

I've learned that when we have these ideas and dreams, and open our hearts to being obedient to God's calling, God just comes through, He is in all the details and He makes things happen. It doesn't mean we don't have to work hard to get there, and some times it will cost us (adoption, traveling, loving on broken bundles - it's costly)... The value of living in community, loving others, being invested in people's lives...it's God's way!  He loves people!  He wants us to love people! We are going with families passionate about adopiton, love their kids so big it hurts...and more importantly, we are going to love the poor, love the orphaned, love the broken hearted, love each other...and my friends, when we Go in the name of Christ, whether it's in our front yard or across the ocean God just does crazy things! THANK YOU ZEELAND COMMUNITY and FAMILY for showing us your love..the prayers, donations, time...it brought me to tears this weekend, and this BIG LOVE you all shared is going to travel over the ocean to another land...and it's going to keep on giving and spreading...and that my friends, is the value of living in community!  It does take a village!  I hope this encourages you to do life with families that share your passions...there is no telling what God will do next...

The Colombian Journey Always begins in the Heart...and then Chicago...

I knew the moment we adopted Isabel, that when she was 10-14, we would return back to Bogota...not just to sight see, but, to give back to this land that has given so much!  Little did I know then, that not only would we have been given a little bundle of tenacious, persistant love...but 3 more bundles that have changed our lives and found a place so deep within our hearts, that there is a longing to return to this place...

  A lot has happended since this little 9 week old preemie entered into our lives...not only will we be going and giving back with just Isabel, but, our 10 year old Silas will be joining us on this adventure...

So we have been preparing...praying...meeting with our team...talking and sharing with all of our kids...contacting their birth mom's to make sure they are able to meet (more on this later)...it is going to be quite the adventure...and one we aren't alone in. God is going before us, making a way, not only opening doors, but. using others in the process (more on this later, too: )...

We started off in Chicago

at the Colombian Embassy, and of course, Gino's East - enjoying Chicago Style Pizza!

Part of the preparing is making sure not just their US passports are updated, but their Colombian passports, too. Our kids will always have a duo citizenship.  Thankfully, Silas' does not expire until next year!  Isabel and I had such a fun day with our friends, Becky and Dante!

Above, a photo of Dante and Isabel at the Colombian Embassy in Chicago.  Fun to return to this place, as it is where John and I would receive our visas to travel before each adoption.  Thankfully, this time I had some Spanish speakers with me, so the process went super easy!

More forms...and 2 1/2 hours in the Embassy and we were on our way!  Let the adventure begin!!!