I have been wanting to write about our journey with Silas and some of his birth family. It's been so emotional for me, therefore, difficult to put my thoughts into words. So, I'll give it a shot. I share because my prayer is that if you have an adopted child who has this heart thing for their birth family, then I hope our story encourages you to move forward with your child...no matter how overwhelming it may be...
During 2006, most families who put their name in for an infant from Colombia would receive their child by 3 months. When we received Silas' referal he was already 8 1/2 months. My initial reaction was one of feeling jipped. All the families around us were receiving real little ones and why in there world did it take so long for Silas to be referred to us...so much time at the adoption house...
Then we traveled, and received this gift that was an instant ball of joy. I couldn't wait to go to Pisingos and learn more about his story...after 3 weeks in to our journey, we listened and learned...his mama loved him. Her decision to make an adoption plan was the most courageous and selfless act of love. Although her story was terribly difficult to here, I connected with it...heartwrenching gut connect...the love of a woman who couldn't bring herself to sign him off, and kept visiting him in hopes that something could change in her life, but, by 8 months, she said her last good-bye and prayed to God he would have a good family, opportunity, a hope and a future...
That's where his Colombian story ends...but, not really...because, his heart, always has had a piece of Colombia in it. He's always been curious, and as young as 2-3 he learned that my tummy was broken and that he grew in another mami's tummy...we used to giggle and he had some funny comments over that when he was little, but, as he grew, it was evident that his curious nature wanted to know more...
When Isabel was 7, I joined Facebook. Found her birth mom right away (I'll save her story for later)...so, since then, I'd periodiclaly check. Realizing that given Silas' story, there is no way on this earth would we have a connection. One night I prayed and asked God if it be His will to make it happen for Silas, almost laughing at that prayer. Little did I know that in a land far far a way, this woman named Blanca was praying the same prayer.
On Izzy's 10th birthday I prnted off the message her birth mom sent her. After we giggled in bed, and cried happy tears over that message, I went back to my computer...mumbling in my mind, "C'mon God, Isabel has a piece, Caroline and Marta have eachother, but, Silas, he's got nothing but, this heart that needs it!" Went back to my computer, typed her name in...and there she was...I wept...
On the other side, there is this little boy who encouraged his mom to join FB, she didn't really have any intentions of going on, but, Juan Diego wanted her to...and within 2 months of being on, she receives a note and a message from me with a picture of Silas...and like myself...wept...
Since then, we have been communicating, sharing photos, sharing thoughts...Silas having a few "chats" with both Blanca and Juan Diego. We knew when he hit 10 it was time to turn this "fantasy" family into a reality.
Reality it is. Last Saturday the door knocked on our guest house. John opened it, and their was this kid in complete disbelief on the other side with his mom...I have Isabel and Silas trailing behind me. The initial moment was intense...we all were crying (accept Silas, he was taking it in-and determined not to show Blanca any emotion)...we shared hugs, and a meal, we gave gifts, and talked about life,..but, most of the night was spent watching the 2 boys together...oh my word...brothers together for the first time!! Thank you Jesus!
I was so impressed with Juan Deigo's respect and gentleness. When Silas went to push Isabel, Juan Diego said, "Silas, you don't hit girls!: )" I like this kid. Silas looks at me and shrugs his shoulders because he knew Juan was right.
Yesterday was our 2nd day together. More of the true colors come out....I loved that. We hiked up a mountain. Blanca was in front of me most of the time. I couldn't help but think about all the mountains in life she has climbed, and yet her body oozed warmth, strength, and contentment in the moment...
Today we were invited into her home. She prepared and served us an incredible meal. We shared thougths and learned more about Silas' bio family. The best was going to the place that changed her life. It changed her life, not just because she had a roof over her head, but, she grew in her faith and walk with God. She was given opprortunity to raise her other son in a safe and nurturing environment...this place came to her only 2 months after Silas was born...
We now know reality. We know the love of a mami. We know what it's like to see our son with his big brother. Blanca and I have the language road block. Yesterday Juan Diego told me he wished he spoke English, and I said, I wish I spoke Spanish. We have so much to say to each other, but, little to understand so, we look into each others eyes, and speak love with our eyes...speak family with our eyes...speak gratitude with our eyes....Silas doesn't have this barrier. This is a gift. It is beautiful to hear him communicate in his native language (which he didn't learn until he was 4 )...
This gift of famly is a gift. God created family. Why do we shy away from birth family? Why do we shy away from our kids stories? Why do we think they can't handle it? Some don't want to handle it. Some don't want to walk through it. I need to clarify something. Silas has a birth mom that loves him. Not all kids who are relinquished for adoption can say that. There is abuse and neglect and lots of hard for so many kids... But the little one, who's birth mom made an adoption plan...truth is...they loved their child...I believe it with my heart...
So, we walk through this...tonight we checked into one of the nicest hotels we've stayed at (not intentionally- Expedia deal :)...I got to sit in a hot bath and just ponder...ponder why I was given this child from a woman who might have a warm shower once a week. From a woman who has to hand wash all her clothes when I can quick throw them in a wash machine, a woman who has no dish washer, and a home that is smaller than our hotel room...a boy who has very little to do at his house, not many friends at school because he was at the Safe house most of his life...and if I am pondering these things, what is our 10 year old son thinking...
A lot to take in my friends. If you see Silas act all "machito" give him some grace. He likes to put his wall up. But, he realizes how good he has life. Being around orphans put an urgency in his heart to adopt again. Giving blessing bags to the poor was so easy for him. Our team leaders gave each one of us a word for the week that described us...his was courage! He could seek them out and find them. I have a picture of him walking over to a tree waking up a homeless man to give him his bag...walking through pee and the stink of it...he's the kid who engages with the youth pastor who even the local recycling kids don't think is very cool...he loves the underdog...before we left he looks at his birth mom with a little smile and his eyes twinkling as if saying, "thank you for giving me this life!" Silas is one brave boy. Blanca is one loving courageous woman. Juan Diego is one great big brother. Our family is a little bigger in size and heart now...and we wouldn't have it any other way!
Thank you God for orchestrating something we never could have dreamed up. Even the hard...we see your love and greatness in all of it! Guide these new relationships...continue to heal the broken hearts...for Your glory and Your fame!
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